i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My breasts were aching with rage.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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