Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
