12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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