we have pet lesbian snakes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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