I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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