Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
