well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
