My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
