Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
