There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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