Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
