Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
