youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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