i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
