The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
