he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
