my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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