theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
