my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
