Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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