i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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