I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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