I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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