you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
