I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
