you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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