hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
