let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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