i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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