I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
