I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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