He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
