haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
