Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
