All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
