Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
