Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
