Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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