So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
