the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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