I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
