he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
