awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
