omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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