Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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