are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
