So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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