im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
