so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
