Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
