I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
