is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
