pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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